sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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