Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Randomize
