I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
a search helicopter?!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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