i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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