Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
