God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
