a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
