Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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