I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
