I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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