So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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