Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Too much gin, very little bucket
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Your penis caused this!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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