Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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