If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
