I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize