those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
