she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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