i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
