So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
