There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
