Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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