Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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