For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
