Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
