i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
