girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
