forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
