I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
