the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
