Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
