Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
