I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sober January is a disaster.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
