how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
