i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
