Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
even my farts smell like vagina
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
