we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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