Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Randomize
