i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
