I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
