don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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