White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
