He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
