I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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