Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
