Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
