I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
