thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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