i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
