Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
