i permit you to call me
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
