Don't you send me to vm
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Where is the hickey?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sorry about my life...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
