so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
