conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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