got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
