i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
