that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
