so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
