garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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