After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
