I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
