There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
