Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
