i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
