Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize