my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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