bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
