ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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