This gyro tastes like lonliness
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
