This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
