i don't plan on having that self control this summer
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
