There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
