I should be sponsored by Trojan
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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