I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize