I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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