i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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