I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Bring me that man meat
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
