Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we made out on top of his cat.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
