he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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