i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
How's work?
Spinning.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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