apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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